Saturday, December 30, 2006


Mysterious behavioral changes of the last 5 weeks: the tendancy to fall asleep anywhere at anytime, intense introversion, an appetite for all kinds of meat, comfort with poor hygiene and a loss of vanity, a keen interest in anatomy and medical procedures, anxiety about physical safety, an aversion to travel and the outside world, an attraction to mainstream team sports, and the desire to speak as little as possible.

My hand has been shedding skin like a snake. I'm fascinated by the endless layers falling off the soft new skin underneath. Mortified at first with the idea of cadaver bone used to fill in my missing pieces, Margaret assured me my own bone will grow and eventually replace the graft with entirely new material. My therapy is building new muscle. My hand is essentially regenerating itself, and probably all the sleeping, meat eating and energy-conserving solitude has been to assist that.

Maybe there's more then bones being restored. 3 minutes after I fell my brain was refocusing everything. It's weird to find out how mutable we are, how quickly we can shift and adapt. Whatever else is shed and regrown is bound to be as quirky as these left handed drawings.


Libby Koponen said...

I find this fascinating....your honesty is inspiring. I am normally really squeamish and wince away from physical details, but somehow the way you write about them makes them not only readable and real and "more than."--I mean, what you are writing about IS your hand and your reaction to it and more than that too (as all good art is in my opinion).

On a more mundane note: when I injured my shoulder riding I also had an INSATIABLE appetite for meat - the redder the better -- and although I usually don't eat it I ate steak every night for a week. Then it healed and I stopped doing really is interesting how the body will tell us what to do.

Thank you for writing such great posts.

Linda S. Wingerter said...

oh thank you Libby! its been hard to blog about, but i want a record of this time and writing in my regular journal is mechanically far more difficult! I wonder if im wigging people out, but glad to hear i didnt chase you away! and about the meat!!!!